Lie. Nobody is going to check the facts on your resume.
If you're 5'9" in real life, say you're 6'2".
If your real name is Paul, say you're Jerry Seinfeld!

Never tell your age. An actor is timeless.
Once, a sixty-year-old man got the lead role in a teen movie
because he refused to tell his age.

Network. It is very important for you to make contacts around town
because there will inevitably be people that
your agent has forgotten to sleep with for you!

One thing to remember: Your agent's the best.
If he or she won't be your agent, you'll probably amount to a big pile of cow crap.

No trucker hats or wristbands in auditions.
They just make you look like a wang!

Join a cult. All the famous people are doing it.
Who cares if you get brainwashed.
You were probably pretty freakin dumb to begin with!